At 7 weeks and 5 days, my little one is still an embryo. His/her heart rate beats as fast as 165 bpm, a normal rate for babies his/her age. Gender is still unknown, so I have to wait until baby reaches 20 weeks.
12.18.2010
12.01.2010
Week 6: First pre-natal visit
Disappointing.
I was expecting a cheerful and enthusiastic doctor to congratulate us for having successfully created a miracle of life. Nah. Dr. Q just asked for my LMP (Last Menstrual Period) and informed us when the baby is due. Asked me to have some lab tests, and gave me prescription for my vitamins. She said I was going to give birth on the last week of July.
Boring. No connection.
I didn’t feel comfortable with the doctor and I could not envision myself to be under Dr. Q’s knife. So, I’m thinking of going to another doctor soon.
Weeks 1-4: Innocent of what’s happening inside my body until…Week 5.
Week 1: Week where last AF started.
Week 2: DTD. OV.
Week 3: Some signs showing up but I didn’t really mind because they also felt like signs of AF coming. Tender and heavy BBs.
Week 4: I bought a lot of pads because I felt like AF was coming, big time.
Week 5: Some signs of AF coming, but I’m a bit bothered why it’s delayed…thought I was sick or something’s wrong with my system. When I told my friend about it, she told me to by a HPT. She bought one for me… we tested and it was a big fat POSITIVE.
My eyes were fixed on the test pack from the time I dropped pee samples until the lines became red. Two red lines… and my future flashed so fast in my mind, I could see where my life was going now. I found direction. I found hope, a sparkle of light at the end of the tunnel. I’m going to be a mommy!
11.30.2010
TRAVEL
Places I’ve been to:
- PHILIPPINES
- Bacolod City
- Victorias City
- Davao City
- Tagum City
- Digos City
- General Santos City
- Cagayan de Oro City
- Cebu City
- Iloilo City
- Manila
- Laguna
- Quezon
- Kalibo, Aklan
- JAPAN
- Tokyo
- Chiba
- Nikko
- Hakone
- Fujiyama
- SINGAPORE
- Singapore Mainland
- Jurong Island
- INDONESIA
- Batam
11.09.2010
Cancer: Looking Deep into my Sign
Now here’s a nice article about the common traits of people born under the Cancer Sign (June 22 to July 22). All underlined words are, for the most part, my traits as I see it…
Emotional and loving
Intuitive and imaginative
Shrewd and cautious
Protective and sympathetic
On the dark side....
Changeable and moody
Overemotional and touchy
Clinging and unable to let go
More about Cancerians…
The Cancerian character is the least clear-cut of all those associated with the signs of the zodiac. It can range from the timid, dull, shy and withdrawn to the most brilliant, and famous Cancerians are to be found through the whole range of human activity. It is a fundamentally conservative and home-loving nature, appreciating the nest like quality of a secure base to which the male can retire when he needs a respite from the stresses of life, and in which the Cancerian woman can exercise her strong maternal instincts. The latter tends to like and to have a large family. `Nest like' is an appropriate adjective for the Cancerian home, for its inhabitants tend to favor the dark, mysterious but comfortable type of house which has something of the air of a den about it, a place which belongs to the family rather than existing as a showcase to impress visitors.
That is not to say that the Cancerian is unsociable, just that for them there is a time to socialize and a time to be solitary, and this is part of the apparent contradiction in their nature. Outwardly they can appear formidable - thick-skinned, unemotional, uncompromising, obstinately tenacious, purposeful, energetic, shrewd, intuitive and wise, sometimes with a philosophical profundity of thought verging on inspiration. Their intimates, however, may see a very different character, one with a sympathetic and kindly sensitivity to other people, especially those they love. They are able to identify with the situations of others because of the keenness of their imaginations. They are often over-imaginative and prone to fantasy, sometimes trying to shape their lives to fit some romantic ideal. They are appreciative of art and literature, and especially of drama, where the spectacle and ebb and flow of action and feeling particularly excite them. They may themselves possess considerable literary, artistic or oratorical talent. Their sharp ears and talent for mimicry can sometimes give them success on the stage, though their tendency to be emotional may make them overact. Interestingly - because they give the impression of being down-to-earth - they are often fascinated by the occult and are more open to psychic influence than the average. If they can reconcile the personal conflict of their urge to be outgoing with the reserve that causes them to withdraw into themselves, then at best they can inspire a generation, especially the youthful part of it, by their idealism. A job in which they can express this, and in which they can do well, would be as a leader in a youth organization.
In their personal relationships they are mentally a mixture of toughness and softness, often emotional and romantic to the point of sentimentality in their fantasies; but in real life and in marriage, their loving is not so sentimental but tenaciously loyal. Even if they have affairs (and they may do so, for the male in particular is open to sensual stimulation), their first loyalty remains to spouse and family, of whom they regard themselves as the protector. Both the
Cancerian man and woman love unreservedly, giving much and asking little in return - in fact, one of the most important lessons they have to learn is how to receive gracefully. They are too easily influenced by those they love and admire, and swayed by the emotion of the moment. They are also loyal friends, the negative side of their faithfulness being clannishness, the narrow patriotism of "my country right or wrong"; and closing ranks in suspicion and coldness toward outsiders.
Cancerians have a retentive memory, particularly for emotionally laden events which they can recall in detail for years afterwards. they are strongly governed by childhood memories and since they live intensely in the past in memory and in the future in imagination, a chance meeting with someone for whom they had an unrequited love, even if they thought they had conquered the feeling, will easily rouse the emotion all over again.
The Cancerian has many potential faults. They can be untidy, sulky, devious, moody, inclined to self-pity because of an inferiority complex, brood on insults (very often imagined), yet are easily flattered. They can be tactless and difficult yet, because they are normally ambitious, they will carry favor by floating with majority opinions, outlooks and fashions of the day. As a result they often change their opinions and loyalties and, indeed, their occupations, and lack stability. They are easily corrupted and, because they are convincing romanticizers, can make successful confidence tricksters. Their romanticism in another sense make them ardent supporters of causes, for example a football team with whose heroes they can identify in a world of fantasy.
Their abilities fit the Cancerian for a wide range of occupations. As they are interested in what people are thinking and able to judge what they can safely be told, they can be good journalists, writers or politicians, though in this last capacity they are more likely to remain in the background rather than attain prominent positions of power. They may, indeed, change their party affiliations. They can serve in other departments of public affairs, especially those which involve looking after others, for example in any kind of service from welfare and nursing to catering - their own love of comfort and good living makes the Cancerian an excellent chef or housekeeper. They sometimes have a penchant for trade or business and are often successful as a captain of industry. This is because they are excellent organizers with a good sense of value and economy which they may combine with a flair for inventiveness and originality. The romantic side of their natures make them enjoy grubbing about in places where exciting discoveries may be made (old stamp collections in attics, etc.), and if they can do this professionally as a secondhand dealer or specialist in antiques, they will be happy. More common occupations which suit some subjects of Cancer are real estate broker, gardener and sailor.
Physically they are average to below average in height, with a fleshy body and short legs in comparison with the rest of them. Their hair is usually brown, their faces round, their complexions pale, their foreheads prominent, their eyes small and blue or gray in color, their noses short, perhaps upturned, and their mouths full. They sometimes walk clumsily.
11.06.2010
Red hot chili peppers - Soul to Squeeze
well ive got a bad disease.. up from my brain is where i bleed..
11.04.2010
10.30.2010
Animefication
It’s not even in the standard dictionary. I just thought about this word. Animefication. For me, it means transforming oneself into an anime character - thanks to Photoshop!
The Urban Dictionary defines animefied as something that has been changed to reveal its anime form. I think it’s close to what I was thinking.
Konan
Konan is a female character in the anime, Naruto. She hails from the Rain Village and was a member of Akatsuki. Her main ability is Paper Ninjutsu.
Me as Konan…
10.25.2010
Into the Wild
There is a pleasure in the pathless woods;
There is a rapture on the lonely shore;
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar;
I love not man the less, but Nature more...
- Lord Byron
* * *
I think this movie is about an adventure of a lonely, troubled heart, seeking to be free.
Here are some quotes i like from the movie Into the Wild:
* * *
"Two years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, 'cause "the West is the best." And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual pilgrimage. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the Great White North. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild. - Alexander Supertramp May 1992 "
"I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong."
"I'm going to paraphrase Thoreau here... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth."
"Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past."
"If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed."
"The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences."
"The sea's only gifts are harsh blows, and occasionally the chance to feel strong. Now I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions. Facing the blind death stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head."
"What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?"
"When you want something in life, you just gotta reach out and grab it."
"Happiness only real when shared. "
Franz: I'm going to miss you when you go.
Supertramp: I will miss you too, but you are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God's place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things.
Franz: Yeah. I am going to take stock of that. You know I am. I want to tell you something. From bits and pieces of what you have told me about your family, your mother and your dad... And I know you have problems with the church too... But there is some kind of bigger thing that we can all appreciate and it sounds to me you don't mind calling it God. But when you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines through you.
Supertramp:: Holy shit!
10.09.2010
You Are Worth It
One doesn’t love in order to do what is good or to help or to protect someone. If we act that way, we are perceiving the other as a simple object, and we seeing ourselves as wise and generous persons. This has nothing to do with love. To love is to be in communion with the other and to discover in that other the spark of God.
You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.
Every day, God gives us the sun – and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. Every day, we try to pretend that we haven’t perceived the moment, that it doesn’t exist – that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow. But if people really pay attention in their everyday lives, they will discover that magic moment. It may arrive in the instant when we are doing something mundane, like putting our front-door key in the lock; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows the lunch hour or in the thousand and one things that all seems the same to us. But that moment exists – a moment when all the power of the stars becomes a part of us and enables us to perform miracles.
Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Our magic moment help us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams. Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments – but all of this is transitory it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken.
I could have. What does this phrase mean? At any given moment in our lives, there are certain things that could have happened but didn’t. The magic moments go unrecognized, and then suddenly, the hand of destiny changes everything.
But love is much like a dam: if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current.
Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.
I’m going to fight for your love. There are some things in life that are worth fighting for to the end. You are worth it.
Source: Paulo Coelho’s Blog entitled “By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept…”
9.25.2010
Cherry Blossoms Scatter In The Darkness
This is a tale of my escape from agony
Around the time when the cherry blossoms fall
I silence my voice, and await the end
Nobody looks at me
I shut them all out, I rejected them.
The letter I couldn't write,
Blurred with the "from now on" I saw in my dreams
Only the darkness showed me kindness, pain, shut my eyes
I crouch down in the scenery around me, unable to find a color to blend into
In hopes that at least I could disappear into the dark of night...
I hung myself.
The bell signaling the curtain call sounds,
Awakens me from my fading dream
Goodbye my love, the spring breeze blew me back and forth.
When the cherry blossoms softly weep.
-“Yami Ni Chiru Sakura” by Alice Nine
8.07.2010
Comically Serious
Comically serious, poetically sound, living life like it's real but in a romantically lyrically way. Anything else is all circumstantial. Life is full of obstacle illusions.
7.28.2010
Giving and Receiving
It's okay to receive. Have you been the giver for so long that you have forgotten how to receive? Allow others to give you some of the love that you give so freely. Seek a balance between your giving and your receiving.
7.16.2010
HISTRIONICS Lyrics
HISTRIONICS
By POPSICLE
When I knew you, I used to think you were
constant standing high above my ground.
When you laughed at me, I wasn't ready
for even reach forever further down.
Don't look at me that way just close your eyes,
be the one I'm seeing I can't make it on my own,
I'm not alone and if you go away you-ho.
Leave me lucky leave me lane,
this time will always stay the same
I'm still a fool above your flame.
Leave me lucky leave me,
Leave me lucky leave me lane.
When I call you, it's not a way to start
remembering november as before.
When I see you, I'm not supposed to get
personal persistent or adoring
Don't look at me that way just close your eyes,
be the one I'm seeing I can't make it on my own,
I'm not alone and if you go away you-ho.
Leave me lucky leave me lane,
this time will always stay the same
I'm still a fool above your flame.
Leave me lucky leave me,
Leave me lucky leave me la la la la la la la la la,
la la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la la.
Don't look at me that way just close your eyes,
be the one I'm seeing I can't make it on my own,
I'm not alone and if you go away you-ho.
Leave me lucky leave me lane,
this time will always stay the same
I'm still a fool above your flame.
Leave me lucky leave me,
Leave me lucky leave me lane.
\m/
7.14.2010
Love is Liberty
No one can possess a sunset like the one we saw that evening. Just as no one can possess an afternoon of rain beating against the window, or the serenity of a sleeping child, or the magical moment when the waves break on the rocks. No one can possess the beautiful things of this Earth, but we can know them and love them.
I will always remember now that love is liberty. I will always remember you and you will remember me, just as we will remember the evening, the rain on the windows, and all the things we will always have because we cannot possess them.
From Paulo Coelho’s Brida
7.10.2010
Greatest Love
If my love could keep you alive, you would have lived a hundred, but God's love is greater than mine. I bow to that and just keep your memories alive in my heart.
7.09.2010
CONfused
I'm confused. I guess I always am confused. Unsure of life, if I should live or perish. If I should stay happy or recognize the sadness in me. I always wanted to give up and find peace in the silence of my soul, but there are always some people who kind of ignite a spark of hope in me. But nothing lasts forever... only stardust in the universe.
7.08.2010
IT IS
I won’t ask WHY, or HOW or WHEN. You wouldn’t even know the answer, and either do I. It just simply IS.
Even to yourself, you might deny it, as I do. But I’m certain… it is what it is.
Changes in Life
Change is the very nature of life, - welcome it. No glass ever became sand again; No bread ever became wheat; No ripened fruit ever became a flower. Welcome change, and choose what kind of glass you create, what kind of bread you bake, what kind of fruit you harvest.
7.07.2010
Feeling Stupid
Sometimes I just feel so stupid for trying to... get attention.
What’s worse is that the realization comes too late.
7.06.2010
The Little Things...
Every day of our lives we are on the verge of making those slight changes that would make all the difference.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
6.30.2010
Life as it is...
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
~Fr. Alfred D'Souza
Sunset at Chinese Garden, Singapore
6.27.2010
6.23.2010
6.20.2010
My Black and White Portrait
"We wonder why black & white photos capture our soul. I think it’s because without color, we aren’t drawn to make-up, or the color of our eyes, or our hair, or how tan our skin is. Black & white captures the innocence on one’s face & their vulnerability. The glow comes from the inside, brightening our eyes, our skin, & smile. It grabs the truth, and that liberates us." –anon
Photograph taken by NWC.
iLike: Hey, Soul Sister
As usual, I’m not really updated on the current songs these days, so excuse me if my current faves are not really current at all. :)
I like the beat of the song and the ukelele thing. Heyyyeyyy…
Hey, Soul Sister by Train
6.18.2010
iLike: Diary & Stationery Books by Paulo Coelho
This beautiful series of stationery books with quotes taken from Paulo Coelho's best-loved titles, as well as insights drawn from articles, previously unpublished works and vivid four-color artwork.
This line is marketed in 19 countries with more than 2.2 million copies sold to date since 2004.
6.15.2010
Remembering my Fuschia Pants
 |
| via lovekarlak |
Growing up with my mom who makes a living out of fashion designing and dressmaking, I wear clothes that she creates for us. Back then I didn’t appreciate any of it at all (sorry nay)…
I remember the fuchsia pants that she made for me when I was 9. Since most of what we wear are made by my mom, we rarely buy clothes from department stores. So I had this longing to have a pair of long denim jeans. I told my mom that I badly wanted to have one for our field trip. My classmates were planning to wear those, and I wanted to it too… Instead, my mom made me fuchsia-colored pants, which I sadly wore to the field trip. I wasn’t really happy wearing it but I had no choice. My classmates asked me why I wore them..but my teachers sort of liked them. I felt a bit embarrassed because it was too fuchsia amidst the green scenery of the park and I’m always spotted by everyone. They asked me why I’m wearing those, and I just gave them a confused look. I didn’t realize up until now, that it was cute. I wish I could go back to that day and confidently wear those cute little fuchsia pants made by my mom. What made it look bad was my loss of confidence. If I had more confidence wearing them, then things would have turned up better.
Lesson learned#1: It’s not the clothes we actually wear that makes us look good, but the confidence we exude when we wear them. Feel good to look good!
Lesson learned#2: I have a very amazing mother who's very creative, talented, hardworking and most of all, very loving. I'm very proud to have her as my mom!
6.14.2010
Pieces of Me this June
 |
| via planetdan |
I don’t like my work schedule this month. I leave for work at 6:15 am, work in the office until 7:00pm and finally arrive home around 8:00pm. Stressful.
I want you to know that I’ve gained around 3-4kg here in Singapore… thus, the “healthy living” theme.
I’ve planned to buy 1Tb of external storage for my personal files: photos, digital artworks, music, and videos. I’ve also planned to prepare my own healthy lunch pack.
I want to say to someone special… I’m coming home soon, please wait for me. <3
6.13.2010
Today is the greatest…
Ask and it will be given to you… I’m praying and hoping to have everyday as the greatest day of my life… I may not be able to do everything but I can do something to make this day a great one! Happy Sunday and enjoy the 90’s music ! \m/
TODAY by Smashing Pumpkins
| Today is the greatest Day I've ever known Can't live for tomorrow, Tomorrow's much too long I'll burn my eyes out Before I get out I wanted more Than life could ever grant me Bored by the chore Of saving face Today is the greatest Day I've never known Can't wait for tomorrow I might not have that long I'll tear my heart out Before I get out Pink ribbon scars That never forget I tried so hard To cleanse these regrets My angel wings Were bruised and restrained My belly stings Today is Today is Today is The greatest day I want to turn you on I want to turn you around I want to turn you on I want to turn you Today is the greatest Today is the greatest day Today is the greatest day That I have ever really known | 
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6.09.2010
iLike: Pon & Zi
I adore the artwork... and my heart is swayed by the sentimental thoughts/conversations in these works. *emo*
Do visit The Art of Jeff Thomas - the artist behind Pon and Zi.
Do visit The Art of Jeff Thomas - the artist behind Pon and Zi.
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